Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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