My liver just broke up with me...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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