you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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