I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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