stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
