he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
