I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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