hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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