the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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