Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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