why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
