she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
