burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
