omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
