i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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