She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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