Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
