I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
