You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
