you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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