im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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