on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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