Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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