those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
