dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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