just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The adults are the big ones right?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
