I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
