I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
