i think my tv is drunk
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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