Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
