One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
