I want to make a zoo with you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
did you just send me my own nude
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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