respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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