Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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