really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
