I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
