I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
