Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
