I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
