can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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