I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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