Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
