If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
