just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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