i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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