This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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