I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
