I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
