WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
