i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
