You don't have asthma, your pregnant
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When did angry sex become our thing?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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