matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
