At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
